A Choice

As you have probably noticed ( I am talking to my three followers) I have not written for quite sometime. Here is what's been going on.

I discovered a few days ago, that I had not had a humbling experience in quite some time. No tire incidents, or putting the right “type” of fuel in my car. As I looked back over the last month or so I couldn’t help but think to myself, “man... I must be getting more humble! I am doing pretty good, no stories to tell.” And BAM! PRIDE! I stopped myself in that very moment, and realized something that I am sure I must have known at some point, but somewhere along the walk of life, forgot.

When I started this blog, I was excited to share my public humbling experiences with the world (my three fans). I enjoy making people laugh, and since I believe it should not be at other peoples expenses I have decided to make it at my own. Here is what I suddenly realized. There are two types of pride. Pride that is out there for everyone to see, that you know in only a matter of seconds will be corrected, and that person will be humbled. But, there is another type of pride. The type that everyone deals with, but too often we do not discus. The pride in our hearts. The pride that for a long time you can cover, no one has to know, in fact... you might not even know. This my friends, is my most common type of pride. The pride that sneaks in, while your walking down the street and see someone with not-so-nice-hair, and suddenly you think to yourself, my hair looks so much better than hers. The pride that when someone confides in you, and tells you a deep dark secret sin, and although you have done this same sin a hundred times, you still think to yourself, “I would never do that!” The pride that ruins character, friendships, and maybe even families. The pride that can steal happiness, trample on your positive attitude, and replace selflessness for selfishness in the blink of an eye. This is the pride that too often takes up space in my heart.

As I thought about this, I realized how willing I was to share stories of humbling moments that were humorous and taught a lesson. I was excited to share my thoughts of high self-esteem, soon to be followed by tripping over a curb in a situation so fast I was not sure if I did in fact fall, or if the earth came up and met my face. But was I willing to talk about real pride? Was I willing to look deep into my own heart and have a look at all the dark nasty things and talk about it with other people... the truth is, this post has taken me more than two weeks to write. I have gone over and over in my mind what to say, how to word it. In hopes that I would not look totally proud and all about me. As I threw sentences around in my mind, paragraphs and phrases, I began to realize there is no way around it. If I want to be honest, and talk about pride, then I should be honest. And honestly... I am proud. And selfish, and all about myself. Do I want to be? no... not really... but am I? Yes.

As I let this sink in, I cant help but realizing that also, there are two types of humility. Chosen humility, and un chosen humility. You have heard some stories of moments where I was humbled not by choice, and there will be more to come. But there are also times when YOU can choose, to push pride aside and humble yourself. This is usually the harder choice, and it takes guts. But the feeling after, is worth it. When starting this blog it was as though my goal was to one day be humble. What a long ways I have to go. What I have really come to realize is humility is a life long goal. It is waking up every morning and choosing for that day to be humble. It is not a process that after a series of lessons you suddenly reach the final goal and receive a reward because you now are humble. It is a choice, to stand above the effects of living in a fallen world, and decide that just because my human nature wants to do one thing, doesn’t mean I cannot, by the grace of God and will power, choose to do another. I will make mistakes, and I will have prideful thoughts come into my mind. But will I choose to stand above it, learn from it, and fight against it????
With the help of God I certainly hope so.