Basket Full of Emotions

How many of you are 100% in control of your emotions all the time???? Cause I, am not... Now I know that from the outside I may seem like someone who has it all together. Nice clothes, Nice hair, and attractive fingernails! But, I am going to be honest here and share something with you that may come as a shock...
I am horrible at relationships. I mean guy/girl, lets date relationships! I have known this for some time, but have tried to keep it in and pretend that really I know what I am doing. The truth, I have know idea, and I wish I could just get a mail order husband and be done with all of this!
Now I always hear girls complaining saying things like "why are boys so dumb, they always mess up, boys are liars, they have no feelings, they just want to play games" and various other belittling comments...
but my question is "UHHHH... ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?! WOMAN ARE INSANE, DIDN'T YOU NOTICE????"
Now I am not trying to say here that men are perfect and never make mistakes. because that is not true and we all know it! I am pro woman all the way, maybe even a bit of a feminist, but ladies, when it comes to relationships, come on.... how complicated do we have to get?
We never, and I mean NEVER say what we truly mean. Why is this? I tell myself all the time, be honest with him just tell him how you feel.... Then the time comes, that one questions that we all hate, but we want them to ask... "Is something wrong?"
And we reply with a cold hard "NO!" WHAT?!?!? why did I say no??? I want him to know yes, something is wrong, you hurt my feelings when you told me I needed to calm down and get a hold of myself!!! What is with that!! Then when he moves on thinking nothing is wrong, I treat him like dirt, until he asks again. and I say NO! and probably add something girly and whiney like, why don't you care about me.
I am a relationship person. But do not misunderstand, this does not mean that for one second I enjoy the beginning stages of a relationship. I hate it! The guessing, the games, the questions, the insecurities, the lack of sleep... it is crazy!
Is there anyway of skipping this part?
oohhhh... one of my favorites, is my ability to over analyze EVERYTHING!!! If I have an email from him, I read the thing over and over and over, I dissect every little part, break it down word by word, look up the Hebrew meaning for every word to see what he really is trying to say to me. Man, if I spent half as much time dissecting the bible like I do these emails, I would be a bible major! I would have a masters in "what the bible is really saying"!!
Also, now this one I consider a gift... I have this incredible ability to pick one little thing from his whole conversation with me, and forget everything else he said... some, I have heard call this selective hearing, but I am gonna go with choice full listening instead.
How many days have you spent going through your daily activities with your phone glued in your hand in case he decides to call. How many evenings have you spent at home while your friends are at the movies... in case he calls! This is crazy, do you think for one second that every time his phone rings his heart immediately stops and before he picks up he has to say hello 10 times before he decides a simple hi sounds the coolest????
We are driven by emotions. God made woman emotional creatures, if I didn't know God was perfect and makes no mistakes, I might consider this and female handicap. But that cannot be true, because He has made no mistakes. So there is a reason we are so emotional??? Some woman are more emotional than others, and some learn how to control their emotions... is there a booklet?? did we come with instructions?
The truth is (so I believe) men are logical. They are not always heart felt lead by this feeling they cant explain. If it makes sense, great. They run by logic. So technically we would balance each other out, right?
But at the end of the day, I still say things that are totally crazy, and I blow things way out of proportion, and sometimes, just sometimes I cry and have no idea why. There are times through out the day that I feel totally insane. Nothing I say, think, or feel lines up with reality... I should be locked away... but I just keep holding on and telling myself, God wants me to have emotions. because hopefully, one day soon, I will meet a man who can put up with this insanity and balance me out.